Simple questions are often the hardest to answer. Like "who are you"? If I get asked that question (even by myself), it feels like I"m wandering around inside a cornfield maze -- glimpsing an opening here and there, but ultimately still lost in the seemingly endless possibilities that could be taken.
But when I get asked, "What are you grateful for?" -- the answers come crystal clear. Especially since being diagnosed with cancer (just 3 months now). I"m not sure how that works because it seems like the opposite should've happened. I should be acutely aware of bad things happening and wondering "why me?"
Lately I've been reading a well-known inspirational blog by a woman who has breast cancer called The Silver Lining. Finding the gift, or the silver lining, in all things (especially the seemingly bad things) -- it's all part of the new healing lifestyle. An *attitude of gratitude* is recommended by most healers these days. And many of them are M.D.'s.
How is it that even M.D.'s are on board with this? Because shifting to the energy of gratitude suddenly lightens the load, and the energy in the body changes. I can feel a palpable difference when I do it. Thoughts of "OMG, I have Stage IV cancer" can nearly suck me under but when I suddenly switch to focusing my thoughts to something I"m thankful for, then I suddenly climb out of a muddy pit and start glimpsing some glittering tree tops.
It's really quite amazing how that works. And even if it doesn't work, it just feels good.
Since getting the diagnosis in July, many amazing things have happened in my life -- namely in the form of dear friends and family, but also from people I didn't know well or didn't know at all. I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you from every crack and crevice in my heart for all the wonderful, touching moments I've experienced -- through gifts of concern, caring, and love. They've meant everything to me.
Things like finding fresh beautiful flowers on my doorstep on arriving home from surgery, and lots of good food and visits during my recovery in July. Regular phone calls have also been so meaningful to me, because I haven't always been able to call. The first weeks after getting diagnosed is usually a very crazy amd overwhelming time. Many of my friends just kept calling, even when I couldn't return the call, and I appreciated that so much.
Friends brought ten-pound bags of organic carrots and boxes of organic spinach, and lots of other fresh produce for my new "veggie extravaganza" diet. I received many beautiful and well-meaning cards and well wishes.
Water filters for my kitchen sink and shower (no more chlorine!) were sent, and a new BPA-free water jug.
Did I mention all the kindness, compassion, and support via emails and phone calls for dealing with the diagnosis? That's been so needed and so appreciated.
My laundry was done, I got rides to CT scans, shots for bloodthinners, and seeing my new oncologist.
When first diagnosed with cancer, you're not sure where to turn or what to do (or do first), so a lot of energy was spent trying to get my ducks in a row.
For me, getting some kind of logical and impactful treatment going was first on the agenda. Even if doctors wanted to "watch and wait", that's not really my style -- I had to do something! This took, and still takes, a ton of reading and research into what all the best options are for follicular lymphoma. Friends have helped me tremendously with some of this research and I'm so grateful for that.
I'm also extrememly grateful for all those who've come before me -- other cancer survivors who have taken the time to document their journey and share it with others. And share it with me. Without them, I wouldn't have access to much-needed information for this condition.
And here's one of the most amazing things that's happened to me since July. A huge emotional gift given by so many, on so many different levels. Two of my good friends held a fundraiser for me to help pay for medical expenses -- a bake sale, arts and crafts sale, and yard sale.
They planned the entire thing, got donations of the most amazing kinds (even artwork) with baked goods, and created a very festive yard sale. When I drove up to the event at 9 am last Saturday morning, I was overcome with emotion. How could I ask for better friends than this?
What touched me the most was that friends came from all walks of my life -- art groups, book club, singing groups, longtime friends that I hadn't seen in way too long, an amazing nurse from my favorite doctor's office, relatives, church, other cancer survivors, other artists, and neighbors, just to mention a few. Even the maintenance man from my apartment complex, a young musician, brought his girlfriend. All of them friends to me.
It was beautiful and astounding to see all the connections I have made over the years, and so moved that people would take the time just to come out and say hello. Even more astounding is that I have many more friends who couldn't come, or didn't know about the event. I value their support and friendship also in every way.
So many touching things happened that day. Like the man who came by, a stranger to me, who said that he also had lymphoma, and to tell me, "It'll get better". Thank you, whomever you are.
In the end, whether medical bills get paid or not became so inconsequential. The very full feeling in my heart from that day will stay with me the rest of my life, I"m sure of it. I felt like George Bailey in the last scene of "It's a Wonderful Life":
But when I get asked, "What are you grateful for?" -- the answers come crystal clear. Especially since being diagnosed with cancer (just 3 months now). I"m not sure how that works because it seems like the opposite should've happened. I should be acutely aware of bad things happening and wondering "why me?"
Lately I've been reading a well-known inspirational blog by a woman who has breast cancer called The Silver Lining. Finding the gift, or the silver lining, in all things (especially the seemingly bad things) -- it's all part of the new healing lifestyle. An *attitude of gratitude* is recommended by most healers these days. And many of them are M.D.'s.
How is it that even M.D.'s are on board with this? Because shifting to the energy of gratitude suddenly lightens the load, and the energy in the body changes. I can feel a palpable difference when I do it. Thoughts of "OMG, I have Stage IV cancer" can nearly suck me under but when I suddenly switch to focusing my thoughts to something I"m thankful for, then I suddenly climb out of a muddy pit and start glimpsing some glittering tree tops.
It's really quite amazing how that works. And even if it doesn't work, it just feels good.
 |
| Fresh beautiful flowers after surgery |
Things like finding fresh beautiful flowers on my doorstep on arriving home from surgery, and lots of good food and visits during my recovery in July. Regular phone calls have also been so meaningful to me, because I haven't always been able to call. The first weeks after getting diagnosed is usually a very crazy amd overwhelming time. Many of my friends just kept calling, even when I couldn't return the call, and I appreciated that so much.
Friends brought ten-pound bags of organic carrots and boxes of organic spinach, and lots of other fresh produce for my new "veggie extravaganza" diet. I received many beautiful and well-meaning cards and well wishes.
 |
| Great water filters (Aquasana) for kitchen and shower |
Did I mention all the kindness, compassion, and support via emails and phone calls for dealing with the diagnosis? That's been so needed and so appreciated.
My laundry was done, I got rides to CT scans, shots for bloodthinners, and seeing my new oncologist.
 |
| Getting ducks in a row isn't easy! |
For me, getting some kind of logical and impactful treatment going was first on the agenda. Even if doctors wanted to "watch and wait", that's not really my style -- I had to do something! This took, and still takes, a ton of reading and research into what all the best options are for follicular lymphoma. Friends have helped me tremendously with some of this research and I'm so grateful for that.
I'm also extrememly grateful for all those who've come before me -- other cancer survivors who have taken the time to document their journey and share it with others. And share it with me. Without them, I wouldn't have access to much-needed information for this condition.
And here's one of the most amazing things that's happened to me since July. A huge emotional gift given by so many, on so many different levels. Two of my good friends held a fundraiser for me to help pay for medical expenses -- a bake sale, arts and crafts sale, and yard sale.
 |
| A festive fundraiser with bake sale under the canopy |
What touched me the most was that friends came from all walks of my life -- art groups, book club, singing groups, longtime friends that I hadn't seen in way too long, an amazing nurse from my favorite doctor's office, relatives, church, other cancer survivors, other artists, and neighbors, just to mention a few. Even the maintenance man from my apartment complex, a young musician, brought his girlfriend. All of them friends to me.  |
| One of my paintings bought at the fundraiser by a dear friend |
 |
| Another painting bought by a great friend |
In the end, whether medical bills get paid or not became so inconsequential. The very full feeling in my heart from that day will stay with me the rest of my life, I"m sure of it. I felt like George Bailey in the last scene of "It's a Wonderful Life":
No man is poor who has friends.
