A Huichol shaman from Mexico I worked with once said if you need more abundance in your life, pray for rain. After days of rain here in California, I'm not sure how much more abundant I feel, yet. But it helped me feel better about staying indoors, unable to do much.
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Napping in a sunny window by a
sparkly vase - how bad
can things be?
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After the second round of lymphoma-helping drugs on January 23rd and 24th, resting has been prominent on the agenda. This round was much harder than the first -- much more nausea and much more fatigue. I just haven't bounced back. A deep fatigue has settled in, and most activities, except the most essential, have come to a standstill.
I feel bone tired.
One friend wondered if I feel so fatigued because my body is healing. Unfortunately, I'm still in the destruction phase of things. Part of my immune system is being killed off and that includes the part in my bone marrow. A multitude of really bad symptoms can result, which I haven't gotten. So I'm reminding myself that some deep fatigue and frequent body aching may not be too bad. All in all.
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Taking it easy is one
of Birdie's specialties.
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I try to find other ways to see my situation in hopes of enduring it better. For example, I notice that my two cats don't seem to get frustrated by resting most of the day. They seem to quite enjoy it, in fact.
So they're my new role models for the moment -- until I get my body back.
Loving what is -- that's the possibility I'm aiming for (thank you Byron Katie). Not so easy when the hard times come around.
I'm also reconsidering having a line put in before next week when Round 3 begins. My vein had a rough go last time -- it got inflamed -- and phlebitis is oh so painful. I'll probably have a chest port. I don't feel ready for the next round, not at all, but I've got 10 days to work on it.
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My friend Zooey knows
what to do when the need arises. |
So while I wait this thing out, I'm realizing what all can be done at home when really really tired. DVD's, PBS, and Netflix have offered up most of my diversions. Things like the Story of Ireland, The Celts, and Irish history in general fascinate me right now. Viewing all kinds of scenic wonders of the world. Watching Julia and Jacques have a go with French delicacies I'll never recreate. Trying to understand the complex history of India and Pakistan. Perfecting the art of bubble baths with candles and my recipe for Raspberry-Orange Oat Bran Muffins. Solving the riddle of the "mystery illness" post-menopausal women seem to get. How to train a dog to sit in your lap (I don't have a dog). Learning to clog on utube while laying on the couch. And endless fantasy about Burt Wolf's and Rick Steves' travel destinations.
Best of all, I've had plenty of time to talk to and visit with lots of good friends!
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| Friends make the day finer. |
It's really good to have friends. They punctuate the days with warmth, generosity, and kindness. I'm appreciating all my friends and family-friends so much right now.
So, Round 3 is Thursday February 20th from 10 am to about 4 pm. I
love getting texts during this time, while I get infused in my cushy heated chair. And the next day from 10 - 11 am, the easy day.
Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything.
-Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul
