I've resisted up until now documenting these new
happenings in my life-- even the part of me that's a writer, and needs to
write. Maybe seeing the story in writing would make it seem more real --
something I"ve been tactically avoiding in several different
not-so-obvious ways.
But then, it's all happened so fast. Just since July 3rd, I've had general surgery to remove a neck lymph node for biopsy, an aneurysm then a massive blood clot of my jugular (neck) vein, been put on anti-coagulants (blood thinners), had a CT scan and bone marrow biopsy, and of course, received the news of first "lymphoma" then "Stage IV lymphoma". All of it unwelcome and shocking news!
The original plan was to "watch and wait" (the official medical term) and get re-evaluated with another CT scan and bloodwork in October. That gave me 3 months to work on my own healing strategies which I launched into right away. And, if nothing else, process the whole mess that really began June 18th with an attempted lymph node biopsy and anxieties of "Gee, could I really have cancer no that would be impossible..."
But I'm floundering this past week with unexpected chest pain where the largest lymph nodes are (next to my heart and lungs). So, not only am I finding I need more coping strategies as things are not going exactly to plan (if there ever could be a plan on this kind of path). I"m also having trouble keeping up with updating all of you, my friends and family which feels so important now. I hope you won't mind reading some of what I may have already told you on the phone or in person.
So suddenly on August 20th (I notice that's today), I had to rush over for another CT scan of my chest to see if the large lymph nodes there had grown too much, causing pain, and which might require some intervention, namely chemo. Yesterday I saw Dr. K my oncologist (I notice online they're often called "onc" for short) to learn more about his thoughts on treatment for my particular situation. His plan for chemo would be two drugs -- one doesn't seem so bad and in fact, seems pretty smart. It's an immunotherapy drug that targets the B-cells (lymphocytes) directly -- the good ones and cancerous ones. But hey, that's better than kiling a bunch of other good cells.
However, his description of the second drug caused me to use a few wads of the tissue they kindly keep on hand for sobbing patients. At that point, it kinda hit me. That it is really ME that has cancer and it will really be ME that might need chemo.
And now here it is in writing, so it must be true. Thank you for participating in my now much-needed coping strategy of writing. But more than that, I appreciate your support by just knowing about and acknowledging the path I'm now on, and have been on for 4-5 years because that's apparently how long I've had this slow-growing lymphoma. I'm already a cancer survivor! I guess that's the good news. I'll have to mull that one.
But then, it's all happened so fast. Just since July 3rd, I've had general surgery to remove a neck lymph node for biopsy, an aneurysm then a massive blood clot of my jugular (neck) vein, been put on anti-coagulants (blood thinners), had a CT scan and bone marrow biopsy, and of course, received the news of first "lymphoma" then "Stage IV lymphoma". All of it unwelcome and shocking news!
The original plan was to "watch and wait" (the official medical term) and get re-evaluated with another CT scan and bloodwork in October. That gave me 3 months to work on my own healing strategies which I launched into right away. And, if nothing else, process the whole mess that really began June 18th with an attempted lymph node biopsy and anxieties of "Gee, could I really have cancer no that would be impossible..."
But I'm floundering this past week with unexpected chest pain where the largest lymph nodes are (next to my heart and lungs). So, not only am I finding I need more coping strategies as things are not going exactly to plan (if there ever could be a plan on this kind of path). I"m also having trouble keeping up with updating all of you, my friends and family which feels so important now. I hope you won't mind reading some of what I may have already told you on the phone or in person.
So suddenly on August 20th (I notice that's today), I had to rush over for another CT scan of my chest to see if the large lymph nodes there had grown too much, causing pain, and which might require some intervention, namely chemo. Yesterday I saw Dr. K my oncologist (I notice online they're often called "onc" for short) to learn more about his thoughts on treatment for my particular situation. His plan for chemo would be two drugs -- one doesn't seem so bad and in fact, seems pretty smart. It's an immunotherapy drug that targets the B-cells (lymphocytes) directly -- the good ones and cancerous ones. But hey, that's better than kiling a bunch of other good cells.
However, his description of the second drug caused me to use a few wads of the tissue they kindly keep on hand for sobbing patients. At that point, it kinda hit me. That it is really ME that has cancer and it will really be ME that might need chemo.
And now here it is in writing, so it must be true. Thank you for participating in my now much-needed coping strategy of writing. But more than that, I appreciate your support by just knowing about and acknowledging the path I'm now on, and have been on for 4-5 years because that's apparently how long I've had this slow-growing lymphoma. I'm already a cancer survivor! I guess that's the good news. I'll have to mull that one.
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